Monkeys in Training

Posted: October 25, 2011 in 2011, Raising Hearts

Raising kids with FASD is a road that is not fully paved yet. We parents who have discovered that our children have this disability/spectrum disorder, are the ones that are paving it. The library is not loaded with books that are titled “How to successfully raise your FASD kid”, “Surviving FASD”, “How to heal FASD”, etc.

There are a few out there that are sharing their experience and most of them are, or have traveled a pretty bumpy road without any key directions that work perfectly for each child, that is born with this. We are all Monkeys in training.

Every day we wake up with a plan to do our best for our kids and it seems that we are never fully prepared for the curve balls that we get tossed. It might be the same behavior over and over, but do we ever just get used to it?  Can we just say calmly, “Oh well, he just snuck out his window again, no problem, he will be home eventually”. “Oh ok, he is high on dope, no biggie, he will learn soon.”  “Oh my, he got caught by the police again. I guess if he goes to jail he will finally get it.”

 NOT!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is NOT ME!! I guess this monkey needs a whole lot more training.  I am not calm when my son does these things. Well I am not throwing a fit, crying, or yelling, but it tears me up on the inside. WHY?????  Why can’t I just get calm about constant crisis’? Why can’t it just be that simple? It sure would be a whole lot easier on my health and the emotional status of MY LIFE!

 These kids are totally unpredictable though.  We may get a few days of peace, but that corner isn’t far away often and sometimes it takes us quite by surprise.  Like the night I got woke up at 4 am by a woman who informed me that my son was going to be arrested for breaking and entering and statutory rape!  Yes that was some surprise!!! Us Monkeys just are not built for this type of constant stress.  I do know without the Lord, I honestly would crumble.

I pray. I pray for creative answers about how to deal with my children that are not in any books. Sometimes I get things that work and I share them with my friends. I can honestly say that we are somewhere that we weren’t before. We have learned. We have grown. Well the Monkey Mommy has, but the children, are a bit slower I am afraid.

 I do notice that Desi is growing a bit faster then Jon. She is getting it. She is less affected and I have many hopes that she will be able to be a success in her life.

With Jon, he seems stuck way back there in fifth grade, or some where in that area of life. It is still like that movie “Fifty First Dates” with Jon. We still have to repeat the same lessons daily and even when we repeat it, do we have any hope that it is going to stay there? Not usually and that is what makes this whole thing much like trying to shovel snow while it is still snowing out. It just keeps coming back. The work seems like a merry go round, but it must be done. You can’t leave it undone. We must keep trying.

  Lord please train this Monkey to learn not to react to everything that my children do. Help me feel that the world won’t crumble when they do crazy things? Help me turn off my adrenalin faucet when I see my son’s bed empty and the window open. Give me peace at night when I lay my head on my pillow, that no shocking phone calls will come in. Teach me to trust you fully and please once again, bring out your strongest and smartest angels to watch over my kids. I need them so bad. I am not strong enough yet and I am not smart enough yet.  This road is still being paved. The book is not yet written.  Thank you Lord. My web site that is going to be used to make a difference.

  1. Sarah Irvine says:

    very well written i haven’t reached this stage but I am hoping when i do i will be somewhat prepared..

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