If you are going to be an external brain, you better be DARN GOOD!

Posted: July 1, 2013 in 2013, If you are going to be an external brain, you better be DARN GOOD!




My goodness! It is difficult at best lately to keep up with my own life.

I am 58, have raised nine children and deal with some health issues.

But I am responsible for four people really. Well my hubby is included in that too, but I don’t do his job for him. lol.

I just keep his appointments and manage his money.

 I do all that for Jon and Desi also.

Well Desi has a free psychiatrist that she currently sees, as she has no insurance. We are forever grateful that we have this doctor.  However it requires that she goes to two counseling appointments per month to see the doctor.

So this adds up to three doctors apts. per month just to keep her meds.  

In the beginning we got things mixed up and she got kicked out of the practice because she was a no show for an appointment.

In an amazing miracle, we got things straight and got back in.

Well her next appointment was today. She rarely works days so I didn’t tell her job about her appointments.

BIG GOOF on my part!  She got scheduled for work today. So I had to call and reschedule her councilor apt.  

UM, not giving 24 hours notice is a  SECOND NO SHOW!


This is my daughter’s psychiatrist and the meds that keep her ALIVE!

My mistake and not Desi’s, as Desi can’t manage any of this.  WOW I dropped the ball. Now she only has one strike left and BOOM!

I rather hate walking on thin ice like that.  No more mistake room for ME!

You better believe that I will be giving her appointments to her job from now on.

But here is what got me the worst. I told this man that my almost 19 year old daughter has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and severe memory issues.  I asked if there was ANY grace?

He said, well she manages a schedule to go to work, she can manage this.

NO NO NO! She doesn’t manage a schedule to go to work!  I DO!  I write her schedule, on MY calendar, and I get her up in time to go to work. I DO IT!

  I told him, this is MY FAULT.  He didn’t believe me.

I hung up once again with that heavy feeling of heart that others don’t understand my daughter.  It hurts me every time I run into that. I guess the real deal here  is that I have to become the “someone” who GETS the rest of the world. I need to “GET” that the world doesn’t understand my kids.

I need to GET THEM and my children.  


Oh Lord give me a strong heart  to be “not understood” for however long it takes in this world.

Help me be the DARN BEST external brain that my kids need.

You are  “MY” external brain God.  You and my Ipad, lol.

So please don’t let me mess up?  My daughter’s life depends on it!


Terry Quinn




  1. I just found your blog, but I have to echo your feelings on people not understanding our FASD kids. My husband and I have custody of my stepson, who is 6 and has FASD. He has many problems and is on several very strong medications, yet people comment all of the time, “He seems so normal.” I just wish, wish, wish they could see what we go through at home and the struggles he has every day. Great blog 🙂

  2. Pamela Ferreira says:

    I have often wished some of these people could come to my house for just 12 hours. I have a son and daughter who are FAS, 19 and 21, It’s a full time job making sure they are where they need to be!! Not to mention that they have the correct clothes on for where they are going, they ate, brushed their teeth, ect.

  3. Cayte says:

    Your girl missed one appointment, you missed her second appointment, yes? The net effect is Desi now has two of three possible strikes towards getting kicked out of this doctor’s process against her.

    A practice that already kicked her out once and that you got her reinstated at, yes? So it is a busy but very compassionate practice, yes? That’s put up with basically 5 no-shows from your girl. The doctor has the patience of a saint.

    • Hi:

      This comment tells me that you didn’t understand my post.

      I am wondering if you have a child with FASD?

      Desi has FASD and memory issues. She missed ONE appointment that she told me she called in and canceled, so I believed her.

      But she didn’t call in. I should have. When she didn’t call in and cancel, she also never went back to the counselor because neither of us knew that it was required to see the psychiatrist. . So when she went to her scheduled psychiatrist appointment, we found out that she was taken out of the practice for not seeing the counselor.

      So we called the counselor and explained that we didn’t understand that rule. He then remade another appointment for her to start over.

      We made that appointment fine.

      He scheduled her a second appointment, after which she had been back into the psychiatrist.

      On that appointment, her work scheduled her to work. So I called that MORNING and tried to reschedule.

      He informed me that since I had not called in 24 hours in advance, that this was a second no show and if she had a third one, she would be taken out of the practice.

      We have not had one since and I will do anything in my power to not allow that to happen including work comes second no matter when they schedule her.

      Is the doctor a saint? Not really. None of this was done intentionally and my daughter simply forgot to call the first time because she forgets. She has FASD.

      Be blessed, Terry Quinn


  4. Andrea says:

    You say that your daughter has a job. I am impressed! My son is 19 and just graduated, thanks to a ton of support, from high school. We are now transitioning to adult services and trying to figure out what kind of job he can manage. Definitely something part time, but due to forgetting, lack of motivation, lack of soft skills, mood issues etc, I can’t imagine what kind of job he could do. Anything requiring multi tasking, fast paced or customer service is out. Any thoughts??

    • Andrea, my daughter was forced to quit by her boss because of emotional triangulation on the job. Can she work? No. Now I know. We are on the way to disability court now. She is all of the things you described in your son.
      However my son with FASD is working part time as a cook. That took some pretty awesome support from his brother, whom I hope one day will manage a group home for kids with FASD.

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