Archive for the ‘I like Quiet’ Category

I like Quiet

Posted: September 15, 2011 in 2011, I like Quiet, Raising Hearts

Wow, a week and a half and peace reigns. I love that. I relish every day that I can get without great stress. Of course there are little things that happen, like today Jon skipped football practice to go help someone mow their lawn. The promise of money lured him. It does concern me that because it is a bit of a stranger, that he won’t get any money for his work.

We had to change some things about football now to make sure he goes there.

It is hard to have to watch an 18 year old as closely as a young child, but this is how it has to be to keep Jon safe. I didn’t dream it would end up like this.

When we started adopting our children, we thought that we would be the best parents that we could be and they would all go out successfully.  Isn’t that every parent’s dream for their child?

I am learning that success means a lot of different things, then we thought it would mean. It does not always mean a spouse, two kids, a college education, great job and that white picket fenced house.  The all American dream?

Sometimes it means just doing your best each day, no matter where you are at, and even if you can’t go to college, or you can’t get that dream job etc. I believe it means relying solely on the Lord for your provisions in life.  AND as far as God is concerned, it means becoming more like HIM!

Yes we seek material things and He seeks our hearts. I am telling my kids that they have a purpose in God’s plan and it does not matter where they are at here on earth. He will still be using them to fulfill HIS plans down here. All he wants is our hearts. He wants us to love HIM. He wants us to communicate with Him. He wants to show us each day how to live it. He wants us free from fears and anxiety. He wants us to trust Him. Every challenge that hits us is an opportunity to learn more how to trust Him and lean on Him.

 The more I grow in that, the more peaceful and joyful my life is these days.

I have gone through a period of grieving when we fully realized that Jon would need help for possibly his whole life. At this point, of course, we don’t know if that will be us forever, or not. For now, yes though. I grieved that he wouldn’t be fulfilling that American dream of college and a good job. I grieved that he would need continuous help from us and retirement is not happening. It was hard to accept.

Jon grieved over this too when his brother, Matty, was all about going to college and Jon knew he wasn’t. He felt like he had no future, no hope.

But the closer I grow in God, the more I accept His plans and He says that He knows the plans He has for us, plans for Good and not for evil, plans to give us an expected end.

So I let go of grief and I trust. I take life one day at a time and I deal with each situation as it arises. I am not trusting perfectly yet. I still get upset when Jon does something that blows me away and steps out of our safety zone. I still have a hard time accepting that his brain just does not function on a normal level and when he does something he shouldn’t, I am still trying to strike that match in his head that will blaze a fire of knowledge. It seems so often that only a spark gets in and then dies out. So yes, I am still not fully letting myself just accept that this is the way it is. However in reality, gosh, it might not be forever. Who am I to limit my son? God can do a miracle with him and we might see Jon come out of this and walk in independence one day. With God, the sky is always the limit. He is able to do abundantly over and above all that we can dare think or ask.

So why not have hope? Why not live life as though we have to do all this for Jon now, but believe that God can light that spark and bring that blaze into Jon’s brain. To believe that all those missfiring areas up there, might one day start firing the way he was intended to, if his birth mom had not drank alcohol, can keep me reaching for the stars and never giving up on Jon.

He needs that and we need that. So I am going to continue to praise God for my children. All of them need His help daily and so do Mike and I. We are all helpless without Him.

Praise His Name. God bless my children. God bless you Megan and Dan and little Joshua. God bless you Jacob, Nathan, Matthew, Caleb and Jon. God bless you Anna and Tommy. God bless you Briana and Jayden and our youngest, Desi, but certainly not the shortest, lol. God bless you my loving husband, Mike. May we all see God’s full miracles in our life each day. May we walk in HIS plans and purpose for us and not look at the exterior things for success in life. May our success be over coming each day’s issues, pains, challenges etc. with the Lord’s miracles. I love you all.