Archive for the ‘It’s Cold out there’ Category

I had removed this post as another parent didn’t understand it. However I am about to post something that is progression to this post, so I am adding this back into my blog. It will help today’s message make sense.

Well this week I actually hit my limit. I had to attend three drug meetings with Jon after he got caught at school with pot and other kids, about to smoke it.

I didn’t want to go to these meetings. I thought since Jon was 18 that he could attend himself. Why punish us parents? However I am glad that I went. I learned some things that were helpful and I saw parents struggling with their possibly neuro typical kids too. It was good to get that perspective. Not all issues are FASD. Some times they are just teenage stuff. I should know that, I have raised nine kids. I just didn’t have near the issues with the other seven, but they did have their times with the world’s temptations too.

Ok, so fast forward to meeting number three, this past Thursday night. Everyone is getting their turn to talk about what is going on. I have been dealing pretty heavily with Jon of late because he doesn’t want to go to work. Well no one just loves to go to work, but Jon’s emotional ability is about half his age, so he is treating his job more like a child would. I don’t want to work, so I just call off. It doesn’t matter that I have real bills to pay. I don’t have a clue what real bills are. I can’t manage money. Doesn’t money grow on trees anyway?

That type of magical thinking is where kids are, but by the time you are 18, you should have a little sense of responsibility. It just isn’t possible for Jon though.

To get Jon to work at his very part time job, I have to manage his time. I have to tell him when to get dressed for work. Sometimes I have to watch him get dressed, or he just won’t do it. He will lay in bed until he is late.

So we were having this battle. Two of his friends had birthdays this week and Jon had put on the calendar at work that he wanted five days off to celebrate these birthdays. FIVE DAYS? WHY? Only Jon understands why.

I told him that he could not take that many days off, as he won’t get enough hours in to work that week to pay his bills.

He insisted that he was going to get that many days off and there was nothing that I could do to stop him.

I had called his job on break to verify that Jon was calling off again. I found out that he was.

I came back to the room and confronted him with that. Jon blew up and used some language that described how he was feeling about me at this time.

So I said “OK Jon, I am done with you. ” I walked out of the room and left that meeting.

I went home and locked all my house windows and doors. Jon wants to be an adult, make adult decisions about his job. Jon can live life as an adult out side my home. I was just done.

About 9:30 my doorbell rings. Jon is outside. I didn’t answer it. Then I get a call. It is his councilor from the program. I tell him that he doesn’t know all that we have been going through with Jon and I am sorry but I can’t explain it all. I am done arguing with my son though and he is an “adult” by the worlds standards. So please don’t worry about him. He has lots of friends and he will find one to stay with.

So he left and eventually so did Jon. However he called me about an hour later and used some more of that nice language with me again. He informed me that his clothes were in my house and he would get the police to help him get them out if I would not let him in. I just hung up the phone and prayed. I don’t like dealing with the police, but if that is what I was going to have to do, then so be it. I cannot spend my life arguing wtih my son. It has worn me out. This is not about this week. This is about Jon’s whole life and how he doesn’t want me to have any part of keeping him on the right path.

So I was DONE DONE DONE!!! I was physically spent. I went to sleep.

Come morning and no Jon sighting. I called the school to warn them that if Jon came to school, he would not be medicated as I kicked him out the day before and he didn’t have his meds with him. Of course I have to protect them from any anger that Jon might spew out on them.

Well then a couple hours later Jon calls me. MOMMY, PLEASE HELP ME! I slept in the park last night. It was so cold. *yep it was 24 degrees that night*. I want to come home mommy. I can’t do this mommy. I can’t take care of myself out there Mommy. PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME COME HOME!!!

Jon, I can’t argue with you any more. It is taking mommy’s heart away.

MOM, I won’t argue any more. I will go to work. I promise. I will do anything mom. PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME???

Jon, will you take a drug test each month?


Ok, he says he won’t argue. He will take a drug test. I am caving. Maybe he learned something in the cold night. MAYBE. One can hope.

I let him back home and he was so tired he slept all day. He hasn’t argued with me yet and he went to work tonight.

Do ya think that it will last??????? To be continued………..I will let you know………….

Lord, Please let it last. Please don’t let him forget this one lesson. Please imprint this on his brain and over ride his memory loss for just this one thing? Thanks Lord. We both would really appreciate that. I love you Lord.

Edited to Add:

Jon is like a horse. He needs a bit in his mouth to keep him on course. Without the bit, he runs wild.
The phone has always been the bit, but lately it has not worked as well. The big problem is online you cannot turn it completely off so people can still call him. I have to call in to have it turned completely off and that is a hassle.
So now I have told him, if you don’t come home in time for work, don’t come home, the doors will be locked.
I am using it as the bit. Not kicked out, just stay out and he knows what the plan is.
I am going to find out how to do a drug test too.
That is another bit.
Mike and I have always discussed that we can’t kick Jon out. He can’t make it. We had changed our language to fines, grounding, phone off etc.
BUT, now we have a new one.
That night I needed Jon to FEEL like he was OUT. He can survive one night, though it is not pleasant. I needed him to THINK that he was going to have to live like that.
Yes I did let him back in. But now it is another bit and he knows it. We have already discussed that.
The biggest problem though is that I am NOT SURE that I can handle him for life.
So he might have to go out on his own, but I am looking for services for that. Not putting him on the streets.
He is comfortable at home and may not like that either, but it may have to happen.