Archive for the ‘2011’ Category

Someone told me today that Bill Cosby made this statement about parenting, lol.

I am sure you have all seen the commercials about the CD/s, The Total Transformation?
Well I wanted to get my hands on them, but I could not afford to pay for them.
However I always wanted to know what those three little words were, that would stop kids from arguing. James Lehman is the doctor who created these and he has since died, but his wife has continued his legacy.
So I prayed about it. I thought maybe someone would loan me the CD’s or something.
Then one day I was at the BMV with Matthew, to get his license.
I was standing in line, when our turn came We got papers etc. and I had one more question for the girl behind the counter. She had gone on to the next person. I tried to ask her anyway, and she looked firmly at me and said “I’m so done!”
I was stumped. I shut right up. I stood there in shock, embarrassed and turned to leave. I wasn’t being rude to her or anything.
Then it hit me. She had used three little words that literally  SHUT ME UP!.
That was a HUGE blessing to me. I was like, PRAISE GOD for giving me this answer. He is so faithful to answer even the smallest of prayers.
After that, I used those words and similar words with my kids.
“We are done arguing” and I walk away.
If I won’t argue with them, then there is no one to argue with.
It has changed my whole household and they don’t argue as much now. What a relief that is after years and years of kids that had to have the last word. Jon is diagnosed ODD, which is opositional and defiant disorder. He LOVES to argue. Not me. I like peace.
Now we have it most of the time. Well until they do something unexpected, lol.

This would work in relationships too. Why do people have to have the last word? Why do we have to be right? It really isn’t worth it and with kids that have trouble understanding, they certainly are not getting it in a shouting match.

Well yesterday I was in an IEP meeting for Jon. There was the IEP teacher and the principal. When we were almost done, I was asking the principal about education for girls in the school that are pregnant. I stated that I did not see even a poster hanging up about not drinking during pregnancy.
He told me that I could get him posters and he would put them up.
He told me that I could contact the health teacher with education.
Then he shared with me that this little lesson about not arguing with the kids that I have educated Jon’s teachers about, has spread so wide in the system, that they are now teaching all the teachers at school to handle kids this way.
Hall monitors are having success with kids in the hall, simply because they will not argue with the kids.
WOW after YEARS and YEARS of trying to make a difference for my kids, this blew my mind that this little idea, that God showed me, and I showed Jon’s teachers, went that far in the school.
I felt just so blessed to know that. All along, my purpose in telling the teachers about this was to keep us from a lawsuit, lol. If teachers argue with Jon, he gets heated and would have a risk of doing something dangerous. He once had a felon on him for slamming a door on a teacher, but praise God charges were eventually dropped. We just needed to keep peace in the school for him though.
So now I find out that all the work to help Jon, has spread to all the kids in the school. Wow, I just praise God for that. Us parents should be given these keys to parenting in birthing classes, lol.  As Bill Cosby says, Don’t negotiate with terrorists!! 🙂
So many of us parents of FASD kids, all want this message to get out. We want services for our kids. We want diagnosis. We want the world to talk about it more, so that children are spared.
After dealing with schools since Jon was in kindergarten, year after year over the issues that they had with him in school, this little nugget that the principal shared with me, gave me so much hope. People are listening. If they are hearing this, then eventually they will hear more. Don’t stop talking Terry. Keep at it. The world needs to hear. Kids are suffering.
 We have been through so much over the years. Teachers haven’t always liked Jon so well, because of his impulsive, not stop talking, and argumentive behaviors.
As parents, we didn’t know why he acted that way until he was almost in high school. Then it wasn’t a doctor that pointed it out, it was my researching as much as possible about FASD, until I just knew, that I knew, my two youngest had it.
 I mean it isn’t such a secret, is it? Desi was born crack positive. That should have been a clue to me. Most drug addicts drink also. In fact we knew her birth mom and watched her live out her prostitution life style and yes we saw her drinking.
  I was the uneducated though. I didn’t know enough about it. Why? Because the world is silent about it.
  Now I am educating the doctors, teachers, other people, trying to get the word out about it. So many children are suffering in the school system and the prison system, because our world has this problem under cover.
Joyce Meyers has stated that she is the MOUTH in the body of Christ. Well I guess I am another one.
While I am left on this earth, I won’t shut up about this.  He is with me and He is opening those doors.
I just praise him for little miracles. Kids are counting on us. Kids are suffering and often no one knows.
Someone has to speak up. Their silent suffering cries to be spoken out.
 They are not bad kids. They are brain damaged and they go through life being treated as though they are bad kids.
Imagine if that was you? Wouldn’t you want someone to speak out, so you could get help? God helps the helpless. These kids are the helpless, but He uses US to do HIS work. I am a mouth in the body of Christ and God is filling it. The children with fetal alcohol syndrome’s heartache, calls me. I must go.  Lead me Lord. Thank you. I hear their cries……………….

I like Quiet

Posted: September 15, 2011 in 2011, I like Quiet, Raising Hearts

Wow, a week and a half and peace reigns. I love that. I relish every day that I can get without great stress. Of course there are little things that happen, like today Jon skipped football practice to go help someone mow their lawn. The promise of money lured him. It does concern me that because it is a bit of a stranger, that he won’t get any money for his work.

We had to change some things about football now to make sure he goes there.

It is hard to have to watch an 18 year old as closely as a young child, but this is how it has to be to keep Jon safe. I didn’t dream it would end up like this.

When we started adopting our children, we thought that we would be the best parents that we could be and they would all go out successfully.  Isn’t that every parent’s dream for their child?

I am learning that success means a lot of different things, then we thought it would mean. It does not always mean a spouse, two kids, a college education, great job and that white picket fenced house.  The all American dream?

Sometimes it means just doing your best each day, no matter where you are at, and even if you can’t go to college, or you can’t get that dream job etc. I believe it means relying solely on the Lord for your provisions in life.  AND as far as God is concerned, it means becoming more like HIM!

Yes we seek material things and He seeks our hearts. I am telling my kids that they have a purpose in God’s plan and it does not matter where they are at here on earth. He will still be using them to fulfill HIS plans down here. All he wants is our hearts. He wants us to love HIM. He wants us to communicate with Him. He wants to show us each day how to live it. He wants us free from fears and anxiety. He wants us to trust Him. Every challenge that hits us is an opportunity to learn more how to trust Him and lean on Him.

 The more I grow in that, the more peaceful and joyful my life is these days.

I have gone through a period of grieving when we fully realized that Jon would need help for possibly his whole life. At this point, of course, we don’t know if that will be us forever, or not. For now, yes though. I grieved that he wouldn’t be fulfilling that American dream of college and a good job. I grieved that he would need continuous help from us and retirement is not happening. It was hard to accept.

Jon grieved over this too when his brother, Matty, was all about going to college and Jon knew he wasn’t. He felt like he had no future, no hope.

But the closer I grow in God, the more I accept His plans and He says that He knows the plans He has for us, plans for Good and not for evil, plans to give us an expected end.

So I let go of grief and I trust. I take life one day at a time and I deal with each situation as it arises. I am not trusting perfectly yet. I still get upset when Jon does something that blows me away and steps out of our safety zone. I still have a hard time accepting that his brain just does not function on a normal level and when he does something he shouldn’t, I am still trying to strike that match in his head that will blaze a fire of knowledge. It seems so often that only a spark gets in and then dies out. So yes, I am still not fully letting myself just accept that this is the way it is. However in reality, gosh, it might not be forever. Who am I to limit my son? God can do a miracle with him and we might see Jon come out of this and walk in independence one day. With God, the sky is always the limit. He is able to do abundantly over and above all that we can dare think or ask.

So why not have hope? Why not live life as though we have to do all this for Jon now, but believe that God can light that spark and bring that blaze into Jon’s brain. To believe that all those missfiring areas up there, might one day start firing the way he was intended to, if his birth mom had not drank alcohol, can keep me reaching for the stars and never giving up on Jon.

He needs that and we need that. So I am going to continue to praise God for my children. All of them need His help daily and so do Mike and I. We are all helpless without Him.

Praise His Name. God bless my children. God bless you Megan and Dan and little Joshua. God bless you Jacob, Nathan, Matthew, Caleb and Jon. God bless you Anna and Tommy. God bless you Briana and Jayden and our youngest, Desi, but certainly not the shortest, lol. God bless you my loving husband, Mike. May we all see God’s full miracles in our life each day. May we walk in HIS plans and purpose for us and not look at the exterior things for success in life. May our success be over coming each day’s issues, pains, challenges etc. with the Lord’s miracles. I love you all.

Flash cards at 18?

Posted: September 10, 2011 in 2011, Flash cards at 18?, Raising Hearts

Does that sound really strange? Well it might, but I believe it is what the Lord has shown me to use for my son.

Jon is 18, but he hasn’t matured a whole lot since he was about 13 or so. He seems stuck. That is what FASD does to a person. Their brain is damaged and they can’t seem to get things like a normal brain would. I mean GET THEM. Did you hear me? Of course you did because you GET THINGS!  Not Jonny, he will appear to get things. You will think he “got it”. But then one day along the way, he will repeat the same wrong act that you thought he, got, AGAIN!

Now I know we all have things that we do, that are repetitive sins. None of us is perfect. We all struggle in areas. But you would think something that might have gotten us into serious trouble, might make an impact on our brains and we would not do it again.  I mean if you put your hand on a hot stove, get burned, suffer for days, I am betting that you look to see if a burner is on from now on.

With Jon we cannot assume because he has suffered great consequences, that he has actually learned from something that he did wrong. He might not have. His brain doesn’t seem to keep those things in memory. He forgets everything.

Have you ever walked into a room and wondered why you went there? Does that drive you crazy? It sure does me. I HATE IT when I forget what I am doing. I hate it when I can’t remember something that I was just thinking about. I love my memory. I treasure the fact that my memory works pretty good and I can keep my life organized and things done. I love to remember appointments. I never want to disappoint someone that I promised something to. Memory is very important to me.

Can you imagine what it would be like to live in a world where you can’t remember anything from one minute to the next? Imagine being who we are with good memories one day and living in that world the next? I would go crazy. It would scare me.

Not Jonny though. It doesn’t scare him. He has never known it any different. He was born that way. He can’t remember that he can’t remember.

So here was a biggie this summer. Jon had a bike that wasn’t in good shape. One day I looked out the window and saw a familiar bike out back. IT WAS MINE. I went downstairs and asked Jon, why was MY BIKE out back, where his bike usually was. He “borrowed it”. He took it out of the garage and just used it without my permission.

Well my bike was fairly new and I treasured owning this bike as it is key to helping me get myself in shape. I know I have a long way to go to get into shape, but this bike came to me in a very blessed way and I really appreciate it. I want to keep it nice and be able to use it.

Well Jon doesn’t use anything nicely. He could have gotten my bike stolen in one day, as he had no lock for it. I had no idea where my bike had traveled that day. I was so upset knowing that he carelessly just “stole” my bike and went around with it that day.

I explained to him that he had stolen a bike basically, as he didn’t have permission to ride that bike. It was no different then taking a bike from someone elses house, since it was not his bike and he had not asked me to ride it. I even imposed a fine on him that night. I wanted the message to be very clear that taking someone elses bike without asking, was a CRIME!

I knew that I had to be very strong with him on this, as Jon has a history of taking things that don’t belong to him. I mean if it had been the first time ever taking someone’s something, I would have regarded this as a mistake, but not Jon, he took people’s stuff without regard often. I am like, isn’t he ever going to get the message that this is WRONG?

So I made a really big deal about this. Yes I know kids with FASD are prone to stealing. But my kid is going to learn and that is that.


Well it should have been over. Yes it should have been. But not a month later and one day I looked out my window and low and behold, my bike was in the back yard again.  I could not believe it! I ran downstairs and jumped onto Jon with “What are you doing with my bike again?”
Oh he was going to ask me if he could borrow it.

I am like, that bike was hanging on a peg, high in the garage, where no one would touch it and you got it down and took it again, AFTER YOU ALREADY GOT FINED FOR DOING SO, just a few weeks ago???

Oh he forgot. ARE YOU KIDDING? How could you forget that? I was in shock. I made him hang the bike back up. It took me a while to get over that and I thought, surely Jon now knows that he can’t  take my bike. SURELY!

NOT!!!!!!  Well almost not. Just yesterday, Jon took off early for football. I sent Jake after him as he is not to be at the school until it is time for football and this was an hour and a half early.  So Jake brought him back and in then I find out that not only did he leave early to hang out at school, but HE TOOK JACOB’S bike, which was my old bike!!  I mean, He was told not to touch bikes in our garage when he took my bike and he is now on another bike from our garage????????  Well I about flipped out. I scolded him and sent him to his room to wait until it was time for football.

I kept stewing about that and it wasn’t until night time that I realized why I was so upset. It wasn’t that he took Jacob’s bike. It was that Jonny just didn’t seem to be learning that he could not touch our bikes. Why wasn’t he learning? After big punishments, he just did not get it.

It frustrated me and it scared me all in one. Is his brain that bad???

YES IT IS! I have to accept that my son is getting older, but not growing up like he should because his poor brain is damaged and his memory does not work. It just doesn’t.

So I started praying. “Lord, how can I help Jon?” We just can’t let him go on repeating the same dangerous things in life. I mean he has to learn that he can’t meet with girls in the night that are younger then him.  He has to learn not to take people’s bikes, which by the way, mine wasn’t the only bike he took this summer. Bikes came from near and wide and landed in my back yard. They always belonged to a friend of his blah blah…..but I always wondered if some little boy was missing his bike and it really bothered me.

We even bought Jon a brand new bike. Well Jon paid for it, but we took him to get it and we thought that would solve things, but in less then a month, his bike is missing. We still don’t really know where his bike is. He says his friend took it to his aunts house and about every day, I have asked him to get the address of where his bike is, but he keeps forgetting to do that. sigh….

So now I realize that it is not just the bikes here, that have me upset. It is that Jon isn’t registering that this is wrong and keeping it in his registry.

“Lord, how can I help Jon?  There has to be a way to get his brain to register.”

Then I could see this idea in my mind. FLASH CARDS! Yes. The same way you teach kids to read. I am going to make typed pages of things that Jon needs to learn and put them inside page protectors. Then Jon and I are going to play this game daily. He will read the flash cards and we will discuss them. Ten minutes a day with the flash cards.

Hospitals do stuff like this all the time when they are working to help an accident victim relearn how to do things if  they have brain damage. Sometimes people have to learn all over how to talk, walk, read, everything. It can be done though. The damaged brain can recover.

I know this is pioneering work with FASD, but I have to try. I have to find out if Jon’s memory can be reworked in his brain by using flash cards daily.

If this works, we can share our idea with other families who are struggling with FASD. Maybe we can help other children. I don’t know yet. All I know right now is that my son needs help and this is what I feel the Lord has shown me to do for him.  Jon deserves to have some working memory. Let’s see if this is possible.

I already have started. I don’t have the cards made yet, but today I went over things with him on two occasions. I am like, Jon repeat after me. I can’t ride any of mom’s bikes. Jon says, I can’t ride any of mom’s bikes.

Good Jonny, now say, I can’t meet girls in the middle of the night………….Jon says, I can’t meet girls in the middle of the night. Good Jonny……He didn’t mind doing that. He thought it was fun and good attention for him. lol.

Ok so it is. Flash cards for Jon….Let’s see if we can train his brain to have working memory……Praise God for creative ideas.

Over the years often I get asked how do we handle the mixed race issue. We are Caucasian, our four birth kids are also and all of our five adopted children are black or mixed.

I am amazed at how our family has done over the years and the fact that we have not encountered many issues at all, with this fact.

When the children were babies, I was a power house of energy. (would like that back God?).  Anyway, I used to gather up all my little chickens and put them in the van and we would go grocery shopping together.

Megan would push a cart with all five of the little ones in it and I would push one that would gather up food. My other three birth kids usually hung off the sides of my cart. We were a great team, Megan and I. I would usually send Anna, Nate or Jake fishing isles for things we needed and they would run around, get them and come back to hang on my cart.

Well The comical part was the people. It is so funny how people’s pupils can grow quickly when they look at you with shock. Secretly I guess I enjoyed shocking them all just for fun. Let them all guess if I was a bad girl who had too many partners, lived on welfare, etc. or if I was a foster mom. Rarely did anyone get that we actually adopted all these children. Most asked me if I fostered, if they dared to ask.

I always held my head up and just concentrated on the task at hand. I guess if I had an “Alice” at home, the little ones would have stayed home and I could probably have done this so much easier.  I never minded taking my kids places with me though. I didn’t have any race issues in my bones, or God wouldn’t have asked us to do this.

It was others that might have had a problem. The truth is that we rarely ran into any real problems. When I would go to the school to see a teacher for my kids, sometimes my kids friends would say stuff like “Is that your mom?” and my kids always proudly smiled and said “YES!”.

They all were proud and happy that I was their mommy. No one hid shamefully because they were a different color then us. They all knew that their mom loved them so much and that is all that counts.

If my kids were ever persecuted for this, they didn’t tell me about it and they usually all told me everything, so I just don’t think it happened.

Today it is interesting who they date. Caleb is mixed and he always has dated caucasion girls.

Bri is black and she has dated two asian boys.  She is still with Ryan now and he is asian.

Megan married in her race. Anna married a part hispanic guy.  Dan and Tommy are loved by all in our family.

Nate, our birth son, is single but often dates black girls.

Matt dates all races and Desi is currently dating a black gentleman named Max.

I just don’t think we are looking at race ourselves. We see people. I know all about racial prejudice. I am not unaware, but do you realize that all kids grow up about the same, no matter what their skin color is? They all have tantrums at age two. They all have tantrums again as teens and they all have beautiful purpose on this earth. God created each of us the same on the inside. It is called Human.

I always told the kids that we are not really black and white. We are all brown, just different shades of brown.

That is the type of Oreo we are, brown on the outside and human on the inside. We all love each other so much.

When we get together as a family, it is so much fun. Gosh, I am glad Mike and I listened to God and didn’t worry about what the world would think. Each child that is in our family was hand picked by HIM.  No mistakes at the Quinns.

This afternoon I received a call from the mom of the girl, that Jon visited in the night.  The first thing she said was “I am sorry”.  I can tell you that coming from the experience that she had this weekend, finding a naked black boy in her child’s room, in the night, this took alot. I didn’t blame her one bit for being as upset as she was.

She also took full responsibility for her daughter’s part in it all too. I love to know parents like that.  Our kids are better off when we make them learn from what they did, rather then blaming everyone else. These two kids were both wrong. BUT, Jon was certainly the more responsible one in this event. Too bad though that in Jon’s mind, he can’t see it that way. He  thinks like a little boy.  He doesn’t recognize how dangerous all this was. He says he was just “chillen”. Well son, Chillen can get you little butt in jail…………….

Now there is going to be a restraining order against him. He is not to go anywhere near this little girl who is only 15. I think this will be a very good thing. He will now know that Chillen can get the police on your case and the law is bigger then he is. Maybe it will save him from making a mistake like this again, that could be worse then chillen.

Sex is everywhere. We can’t turn on the TV without seeing it. Our kids are getting the message that sex is a normal thing to do with anyone.

Today it is not abnormal to walk through a school and see 12 to 20 girls in the school at one time, carrying babies. They think their little tummies are so cute. Most of the boys involved don’t stay involved and these poor parents are often stuck raising these children.

These same teenage girls are often out partying on weekends, totally oblivious to what can be happening to the life of their unborn child.

I want so badly to be able to be a voice to these teens.  It will take some real harsh reality to get through to them though. I don’t think telling a pregnant teen that alcohol can brain damage their baby, will mean much.  Too bad we can’t make a movie staring FASD kids.  It would probably not be a big seller, but it could sure carry a message.

I am so grateful to the mom that called me today. I am grateful that my son did not end up with charges of breaking and entering and statutory rape. This weekend was a night mare, but now I can feel the healing breeze of God blowing over it.

We have set up a whole new set of rules for Jon. He is no longer a renter here, but living as a child under restriction. One of his teachers offered to get us set up with MRDD today. I didn’t even know he could qualify for that. I am so excited that God is sending some help. We need it so badly. Praising God for small miracles today. I am grateful.


Posted: September 4, 2011 in 2011, He DID WHAT?, Raising Hearts

My phone rings at 4 am today. Jon is supposed to be at the night shift at Mcdonalds. I am thinking he is probably calling for a pickup ride. He is supposed to call his dad, so I am a little annoyed that he called me and woke me up. Then I notice it is another phone number. My brain works quick and I figure he is using a friends phone.

 “Hello”. …….the caller on the other end is not my son. She states her name and asks me if I have a son. I say yes, not realizing to tell her that I have five sons. I just knew it was about Jon.  The caller is calling in the middle of the night and Jon is not home.

 THen she says “Well he is about to be arrested for breaking and entering and statutory rape with my daughter!”  She is quite angry. I am in shock!!!

I mean someone could have hit me over the head with a hammer and I might have thought it was all a part of the same thing. I felt like someone might have died. Where was I?  Did I just hear that my son’s life was over?

She wanted me to come get him but when she asked his age and I told her 18, that is when she said, never mind then he is going to be arrested for blah blah blah…………..

I walked around dazed for a bit, then had this huge attack with my stomach. As I sat there, I felt this peace come from no where and the Lord was saying it was going to be ok.

 I didn’t feel any better, I just felt that. I had nothing to base it on. I didn’t even know the details of the crime yet.

So I tried to pray and praise the Lord for working this out, but it was feeble at best. I was just in shock.

I did have the presence of mind to get my adrenal meds under my tongue so that I didn’t end up sick and in the hospital too. Shock is very dangerous for someone with adrenal insufficiency. 

So I collect myself enough and decide to call this lady back and find out more. I did and I explain that my son has Fetal alcohol syndrome and that he is adopted. He is in special ed at school.

“Well He knows right from wrong, doesn’t he?”

Hmmm I wasn’t sure how to answer that, as in reality he doesn’t in some ways.

Some how my appeal softened her a bit, I felt.

Then Jon called me. He told me that it was all stupid. Nothing was going to happen. He was just visiting her. She invited him over. They had not had sex. He did not break in. etc. The cops were telling him that there was nothing they could do.

I could hardly believe all that because the words of the mom are ringing in my ears of the charges. She had also told me that she was a prosecutor.So he picked the wrong house to do this in.

I gather up strength to look up the street he was on, in mapqueust and ask Mike if he will take me over there. Mike was fully in on this. He was taking charge. We drive over and there are all those lights flashing from the police vehicle. We can hardly see where to park, it was so bright.

 The son that I love dearly is sitting in that cop car and I don’t yet know the outcome. In that moment I wanted to protect him. I wanted to shout to the world, my son is not ok. Please don’t put him in Jail. It will kill him. You can’t do that to him. He can’t survive in jail any more then he can take care of himself.

I am now learning the story from the officers. The girl invited him in, as mom was out of town. The girl is 15, and Jon is 18. BUT, a new law is in place and now 15 is the age of consent. ( truthfully that law should have been a long time ago as normal 18 year old kids and 15 year olds are just kids.

The officer asks one of the mom’s, they are a couple, if she wants to talk to me. I try to go over and apologize, but the other mom comes out and lights into me with all four barrels. She is going to be putting a restraining order on my son blah blah and she starts coming at me.

 The officers put a stop to that and my husband told me to stop talking and get out of there.

Then he almost said something to her, but held his tongue. I then tell him to stay quiet.

So now Jon is loaded into our car and the bike he “borrowed” for the night is placed in the trunk.

We shake the officers hands and thank them for everything.

Did that just happen? Did I go from hell and thinking my son’s life was over, to simply going home with him?

Ok the real story is that my son skipped work, hung out with a friend, and connected with this girl on the phone and she invited him over, let him in and they were caught necking. Supposedly no sex took place YET.

She consented and with the new law, Jon had not broke into their house, the officers could do nothing about it with Jon.

I have had three hours of sleep and the night before only a few also because Desi had Max over without my consent, and his dad didn’t come and pick him up until 1:30 in the morning.

That will be Max’s last evening at our house, ever.

This will be Jon’s last time of freedom while he lives at home and is completing high school. He is now on house arrest. I took his phone. We sent him to bed so that we can all discuss this after we are rested.

 WE are not sure that Jon still has a job, as he called off work.

Oh Jon, yes your life is not going to be the same any more. You are no longer an 18 year old living at home with a rental contract. Now you live at the Quinn halfway house and there will be rules again, lots of them.

 You are going to be dealt with in a much different manner or you will simply not be here. It is your choice. If you don’t stay here with us, the chances are good that the next call, could be real. WE can’t help you if that happens.

You will no longer be living at home though and roaming the streets at night. I think it is time you were told what you are really dealing with. I haven’t told you that you are borderline MRDD. I didn’t want to limit you. I didn’t want to discourage you. BUt maybe you need to know that so you will let us help you.  You will probably always need help and you need to be willing to allow that.

You can’t keep yourself safe Jon. FASD took that from you.

Mike says that maybe generation X is all FASD damaged and that is why we have  a whole generation of lazy , back talking, law breaking kids that won’t keep jobs.  I think that is a little extreme thinking, but who knows. Alcohol is treated with such casual thought. No biggie. Everyone drinks. People often don’t even know that they are pregnant and are drinking.

 When it damages kids as much as it has, Jon and Desi, it should be taken far more serious then any crime that is out there. It cripples people for life. It takes away their choice to be fully functioning adults. It is just wrong. SO WRONG!!

Just another day

Posted: September 2, 2011 in 2011, Just Another Day, Raising Hearts

It is 9:23 in the morning. I have already had several phone calls from the school this morning.

Desi went to school in leggins that are not allowed unless there is a dress or long shirt over them. She tells me that the office won’t allow her to go get the pants that are in her locker.

I finally connect with the school and Desi never told them that there were pants in her locker.

Desi just wants me to think she is being held hostage at the office, so that I will be upset with the school on her behalf. She is good at that type of manipulation.

Next call was from attendance. School has been in session for one and a half weeks. Jon has three lates already.

Jon cannot manage time for anything and may not even be able to tell you why he was late.

We are going to have a meeting for his IEP to discuss what discipline to give him this year for this, as there cannot be home discipline any more. Jon has reached 18 and now has a contract with us to live at home, pay rent and be his own boss, etc.

We are going to put something in place that will benefit everyone, as Jon won’t really learn how to manage time, no matter what the consequences. Do I limit him when I say that? I don’t mean to. I am just trying to accept reality of living with a son who has FASD who may never be able to take care of himself properly. 

Sigh…..this is what life is for these kids. They can’t manage time, money, their things etc. They don’t tell the truth. We are all ingrained to believe that lying is a sin. If a kids lies, they are a child who was not raised right. These kids lie to protect themselves on a very animal level. They lie to get what they want. They lie because their conscience section of the brain has holes in it.  They have brain damage and can’t feel guilt about stuff like you and I can. We never give up trying to help them learn to be honest. We hope that some how we can make some routes through that brain that will work right.

I raised 7 kids before these two. They all tried lying out, but every one of them found a place in this world that gave them a conscience as they grew. They can cope with life like normal individuals and have no real reasons to lie. Most of them love the Lord and wouldn’t consider lying, especially to their mom. 🙂

FASD is definitely a different road to tread on. We have to have compassion and understanding, or we will be in constant judgement. We cannot treat them the same, but our world doesn’t understand it that way, so for us parents it is a double whammy. We deal with our kids who don’t get it, can’t be honest, etc. and we deal with the world who also doesn’t get it and expects our kids to be up to par and “normal”, or they are BAD kids. They don’t see that this child’s choice was removed when birth mom drank alcohol. Sigh. it is painful being a mom sometimes to FASD kids.

It saddens us greatly that our kids will have the same reputation that our politicians have, lol.  They lie to control our country and get what they want.  Maybe they are all brain damaged. 🙂