Archive for the ‘Am I enabling? Is he abusing?’ Category

Yes!  That is what happened today. Mike and I are discussing whether or not, we need to get an eviction on Jon now.

 Here is the story. Jon is doing dope. Of course you all know that, as I have written many  times before about that. FASD has given his brain enough damage so that he does not make positive choices for himself.

He is currently on the edge of not graduating high school with only  three months to go, due to this stuff called DOPE! 

This mother bear has worked her tail off to get this kid through school all these years. I can’t begin to tell you what it has been like to help a son with FASD get through school

There has been so many calls from the schools over the years for disruptive behavior, fights for IEPS and help, constant discipline at school, teacher complaints, teachers giving up, suspensions on a regular basis, and even a felon on a teacher in high school.

 Now we are three months from the end of this tremendous trial and Jon is giving up because of the drugs that are out there. 

 We have tired every possible thing to get this kid free from this.

We have fined him for it.

We have kicked him out and he comes back like a helpless puppy needing our help and he does need our help.

We have tried lock down and he snuck out the windows at night.

We have tried giving him all his freedom and allowances etc. and he started coming home stoned.

 Now we are trying a new thing. We have stopped giving him money, so that he can’t purchase any of this stuff. We feel that we are enabling him that way.

 So now Jon wants to go get an ID so he can sell his plasma for dope money. I refuse to give him his birth certificate and social card so that he can go do that.

 Ok, so today Jon calls 911 on me. He tells the police that I won’t give him his social card and birth certificate. Well I planned ahead just a bit before they arrived and I called my lawyer. I found out that those documents are MINE and if he wants those documents he has to go downtown and file to get his own.

 He probably does not realize yet that those will cost him some money that he won’t have to pay for them.

Here is what happened though. The officers asked me why was I hanging in there with this son of mine who obviously didn’t want to do anything right? They told me that I am enabling him to do these drugs and I need to go downtown and file an eviction on him to get him out of my house.

Then if he comes back here, he is their problem.

OK PARENTS OF FASD KIDS, What would you do???  Would you continue to help your son graduate? Would you kick him to the streets? I would love it if you would share how you might handle this.

Please don’t tell me what I should do.  I am going to go to my heavenly Father and pray about what I should do.  However I would love to know what you would do if you were in my position. Maybe I can learn from you.

I even asked the officer. “Would you put your son out if he was mentally disabled?”  He said no. Then he looked at the ground, as in that moment, he knew my helplessness. 

After the officers left, Jon came to my door and rang the bell over and over. I asked him what he wanted, as I was uncertain how he was going to behave after that, and not sure I should let him in the house. He said he wanted to get his stuff. Ok legally he can get his stuff.

 He came in the house, ran upstairs where my office was, and began tearing stuff out of my desk. He found a copy of his social, which also had copies of all my family socials and he took it. I tried to get it from his hands and he man handled me, which was abuse to me.

My lawyer was on the phone through all of this and I knew that if I called the police at that moment, I could have had my son arrested for what he did.

He used lots of choice language and went down stairs and cut his part out.

I have endured physical stuff from this kid, emotional agony, and I can honestly tell you that there has never been any real joy in raising Jonathan. 

Does this sound sad? I guess maybe I enjoyed watching him in sports etc., but all the pain that has been there through every day with severe ODD behaviors, are mostly what I have on record in my memory box.

It has always been work and hardship. I bet other parents of FASD kids can identify.

I know what joy in raising a child is, as I have nine total and I have been very blessed with my children. I know that I love Jon with every bit of my heart even though I have had all this hardship.

 Countless nights, Jon has kept me up with this mess. Countless nights he comes home late with red eyes and smelling. Countless days, I try to help him continue in school. Countless days I am badgered by my son, his anger and bad language.

 I keep doing this because I know my son did not choose to be brain damaged. He is unable to live on his own. He doesn’t know how to manage time and get to work. He does not know how to remember to take his meds daily. He doesn’t realize the consequences of his actions.

 He didn’t make the choice to be born so damaged.

 Do I toss him to the streets?

I have never been one to give up on anything or anyone.  I won’t give up on Jon, but putting him out, might not be giving up. I am not sure yet.

Lord, you have a plan for my son. I know that and the plan isn’t for the streets and dope.

You have a hope and a future for my son and the enemy of our souls cannot have my son.

Lord once again, send out the very strongest of angels and minister to my son. Show him how much you love him.  Thank you Lord. You are so good to me.