Archive for the ‘Sudden Peace’ Category

Sudden Peace

Posted: February 14, 2013 in 2013, Raising Hearts, Sudden Peace

Wow!  I am so relieved!  Should I be? I just let my daughter go.  Ya think that was a wise choice?

According to her counselor it is the best thing I can do for her.

I just took Desi over to her new “free” doctor’s site for her nurse checkup. While I was there I ran into her counselor. In all my years of living on this earth, I have not learned to shut my mouth over my kids.  My gosh, when will I learn that? So I did what is normal for me and I opened my MOUTH!

This counselor has met with my daughter two times now and has set up to take her to apply to beauty school next week. She has firmly decided that I am Desi’s problem and I have her labeled  FASD/Disabled, so I am holding her back.  She thinks that she can change the entire situation and get her into school and become an independent girl.  She feels that this is the whole answer to Desi’s depression.

She informed me that I have conflict with my daughter and that I am the reason that Desi is not ok. I need to let the reigns go and allow my daughter to try to become an adult.

That was a mouthful, wasn’t it?  I tried to stand my ground and say my piece back. I tried to educate her about my daughter’s life in five quick minutes. I tried to explain that my daughter almost ended up in jail when she was so stressed with school and work at the same time.  I tried to tell her that Desi is not functional enough to handle a job and school together. I tried to help her see that SHE was setting my daughter up for failure by giving her hope that she can go to this school, work part-time and have the future exactly as she desires.

 I told her that I have a life threatening health issue and I am not physically able to continue to take my daughter to the four appointments a month and that Desi will have to figure out how to get here on her own.  THEN she accused me of trying to stop her visits.  I can see how she would see it that way. We didn’t have time to get all these things squared in just five minutes. I did speak the truth though. I am trying to stay alive here most of the time and just taking care of me is almost more than I can handle most of the time.  My daughter is now an “adult” but she can’t function on her own yet and that still gives me a whole lot of responsibility that I don’t often like, due to my own health issues.  

 Yesterday I took her and Jon shopping and came home and slept for three hours.  I have been dealing with this for ten years and am on complete steroid replacement as my body doesn’t make those hormones on its own. It has been a really hard ten years to accomplish raising my teenage kids, especially the two who have FASD.

 I would LOVE  IT if my daughter could be totally on her own and go to school and not need me for anything!! LOVE IT!!!! 

 I am the LAST person to want to hold my daughter back. I mean it, the LAST!  PLEASE DAUGHTER, PLEASE Get on your own!! lol.

I have kids that have gone to college and one right now at a very prestigious college that is doing awesome! I have raised nine kids. I can’t afford to be keeping kids captive here. My gosh, I want to RETIRE and enjoy my life!

BUT I raised her. I know her. I understand FASD. I know she is limited. I am NOT putting labels on her. I am not purposely trying to stop her from being a success. I am just doing the best I can to keep her going daily.  Do I even get credit for that??????  NO! Instead I get torn down and told that I AM HER PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!! 

 Where was this counselor when I spent numerous hours helping my daughter at high school, just so she could graduate with her peers?  Where were her teachers?  They didn’t even get how difficult it was for Desi and if someone had not intervened, she would not have graduated. She was failing her classes just because she could not organize and turn in her assignments.  I went in and got assignments from the teachers and sat with her in the Library while she completed them and I turned them in.  Did I do her a disservice by not allowing her to LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES??????  OMG! You people do not get FASD and do NOT GET that this is truly A BRAIN INJURY and you cannot LEARN OUT  A  BRAIN INJURY! If you don’t help the person who is suffering with this, they will fail.  Maybe not every time, but in this case my daughter was about to fail high school.

  When she had full-time high school, she was also working at McDonald’s very part-time.  This was too much for this girl. She was so stressed that she was having panic attacks and rages on regular occasions.  We all saw that she wasn’t coping very well. She was cutting on her self regularly too. 

 On two occasions the police were involved in her rages and on one, she could have been easily taken to jail, as she assaulted someone. 

MY GOODNESS, WE PARENTS saw this!  But you counselor are going to tell me that I am holding my daughter back?  LADY! I am trying to help my daughter survive with what she is dealing with.  But you know what? Since you think I am the problem, and I am holding her back, I quit trying. WHEW!!!!!!!!!!  I am so relieved now. I don’t have to do this any more. The world thinks they know what is best for a person with FASD.

  Oh and by the way, she also informed me that my daughter does not have full-blown FAS.  Um, she is diagnosed partial FAS, yep.  She does not have the facial features that happen ONE DAY during development if the mom drinks on that day. I get so frustrated with people thinking that full-blown FAS is worse than FASD. MY GOODNESS it doesn’t take a genius to figure this out. If the mom drinks nine months and misses that day, how much brain damage does that child have if the mom drinks on that day and misses the nine months? You do the math. That day doesn’t count when it comes to the brain!!

  So by now you who GET FASD, are probably thinking that I am just up and quitting on my daughter. lol.  OH NO, but I am not helping her with this. If she is so independent and I am the one holding her back, then she has to do it totally herself.  Let Counselor find out if Desi can. That includes taking a bus to her  appointments.

 Would that I could quit this entire thing.  YES!  I would love to. Remember how I stated that I can barely take care of ME?  This is a sacrifice that I make every day so that my daughter is not on the streets. God will give me the strength to go on with that.  But I am so much more at peace now as I can honestly SHUT MY MOUTH about Desi’s future and if Desi wants one, she has to do it. Then no one will ever accuse me again of standing in her way, or labeling her etc.

Oh and this disability thing that I work on almost daily, just trying to research, write papers, gather evidence to get her approved???  Well if she can go to school, become independent, she doesn’t need it, does she ? I can relax and not worry about that any more.

 Granted she doesn’t have insurance, but I have worked so hard at that (there I go again, working on her behalf), that I have gotten most of her medications for free and her doctors are now free too, so she doesn’t need medical insurance I guess. Boy I am good!!!!!!!

  Yes I am now a free mom.  I am at peace. This lady tried to make me look like the bad guy, but she set me free!!!!  Free to take care of ME!!  lol. Peace! Love it!

Lord  YOU alone can understand FASD totally. You alone can direct Desi for her future. You have it all laid out for her. We just need to find YOUR will about it. I pray that YOU hear our hearts on this and bring true peace into this situation so that there isn’t division about how to help Desi walk in YOUR plan, for her future. Thank you.

Terry Quinn