Archive for the ‘Ministry from Desi, Why kids with FASD steal’ Category


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Parents are wondering why their kids steal and Desi and I had a nice long conversation today about this. I thought it was very insightful. So I am sharing her words to help you.

This is a message from my daughter Desi. I am going to type out her own words entirely. I will prompt her some with questions.

Mom: Did you think stealing was wrong even when you young?

Desi: Absolutely. You guys taught us from a very young age the basics that taking things from others was wrong, so I knew it was wrong.
But I was always thinking solely about what I wanted and didn’t think of others feelings. Just like normal people, I always knew it was wrong, but I saw something and just took it and then the guilt and the anxiety would set in about getting caught and what I did.

Mom: so you feel this was more of an impulsive act that you did without thinking of the consequences first or before you did it.

Desi: absolutely.

Mom: You didn’t take things outside the home because you feared the law.

Desi: Yes I didn’t look at it as serious, taking from the family. Either way I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t think before I did it. If i did think about anything, it was about simply what I wanted and I didn’t dare ask you for it, as I feared I would be told no. It is tied into the fear of rejection and I would feel ashamed, get embarrassed and angry when I was rejected.

Mom: Do you think getting consequences harmed you?

Desi: Maybe at the time, but looking back as an adult now when your parents instill the fear of God in you it definitely puts perspective on it. It eventually sticks. I don’t look at it as punishment.
When you are punishing someone, I feel it is negative.
When it comes to people with FASD, if told you are going to punish them, that is a negative word. You have to put it into a perspective that is not negative. Put it into a lesson that is called consequences, but not punishment. It needs to be more of a lesson that teaches, but the consequence has to hurt a bit to teach. It will stick eventually. It did with me as I matured.
Consistency is something that I feel people with FASD need. It will stick. It did with me.

Mom: How do you handle the impulse control today.

Desi: Honestly I kind of grew out of it. I now understand what others feel when their things are taken as if my stuff was taken, I would be furious.

When I worked at the thrift store there was a man who was a pathological liar. He stole money out of my purse and I knew it.
I was livid and wanted to punch in his throat. I was so mad.
Being the one that always took from people, very rarely did anyone ever take from me.
That is sad. I was over here taking things from other people, but they were not being taken from me.

Mom: so the thrift store lesson taught you something?

Desi, no I stopped long before that, but personally feeling that, I know now it is terrible.

Mom: So why do you think you took things?

Desi: because I was too scared to ask for it and that huge fear of being told no and that fear of rejection, and also because I wanted something.

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