How to survive FASD through their teens. TOOLS!

Posted: August 5, 2015 in 2015, How to Survive FASD through their teens. TOOLS!, Raising Hearts

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This topic is for encouraging parents that are in the thick of it.
Today I want to discuss “Tools for survival”

Some parents raising teens with FASD feel like they are going to com bust from the stress.
I was once that parent. I use to wonder if my body parts might land on the wall one day.
I told God numerous times that He picked the wrong girl for this job.
And yet now that we made it through that tough time, I am so glad they are my kids. I have gotten to see the beauty from the ashes.

My tools were these:
I had to talk to someone. I had to vent. But once I vented, I didn’t hang onto the negative. I moved forward to something that I enjoyed and tried to relax. I had hobbies that I kept going all the time. I kept my mind on what I would be doing for fun.
I didn’t dwell on how bad it was. I couldn’t. I would have collapsed. I took it one minute at a time, sometimes. I knew if I made it through this minute that I could live.

I prayed alot. I learned not to complain. Honestly complaining too much brought me down. I kept alot to myself because others would not understand. I didn’t need their negative understanding on me.

I learned to fight. To advocate for my kids. I became their best advocate and I faced the goliath of teachers and principals but with SMART HONEY. What that means is I came in prepared with my stuff and knowledge but I fed it to them in a kind manner. I learned not to be the mother bear who was ready to attack. I learned to be the loving, caring parent who knew absolutely what she was talking about and stood my ground in as kind a manner as possible.
This took years for me to learn. I faced many heart aches and set backs from teachers, for years, before I figured out that they listen better if you treat them with kindness. but run them over with knowledge and confidence.
With my kids I learned not to engage. I learned to protect myself and get away. I honestly learned not to yell back at them and that took a long time too. But it only stressed me out more if I did and I never won with them. I only incited them to react more. I have to state that I am still working on this. 🙂
I learned to state the rules and stand by them. I used to be a wimpy mom who would say something and not follow through. I got tough and when I did, they pushed me less. I followed through. I learned not to open my mouth unless I meant what I said.
THis gave me a sense of management and accomplishment because I didn’t feel so defeated by my kids. It takes strength to do this with kids that have FASD. But I learned with these kids that if you give them an inch, they take a mile. They are so manipulative in many ways.

You don’t have to be a mean mom to be a firm mom. I believed in consequences and I used them. But they were not abuse. They were teaching lessons. I never used consequences when my kid was angry or raging. It was after the storm was over. I should not say never. But I learned that if I did, it only escalated the situation.

These were my tools for survival as a mom of children with FASD.

I could never allow myself to just cry over it daily. It would have buried me. I learned positive ways to fight and stay alive.
Sometimes I have no support at all but God. I even had some very serious health problems in the middle of it all, but I still fought to stay upright.

I want to help others stay afloat.  We can’t give up. We do need to support each other, but we can’t just continue to be falling apart. We have to grab some tools and find what works for each of us and how to stay in the ship.

I have made it through so much. I raised my nine, lost one son to death, had serious health problems, almost died myself many times, have had depression, anxiety, and I had migraines for years that were daily, financial hits that were serious and more. I have learned that I can still be an over comer in all things.
I try to keep the fun in life even in the midst of the pain.

Thank you Lord for keeping me. Today my kids are 20 and 22 and the hard stuff has lessened alot, but they still need my guidance and external brain support.  There are still some outbursts. I am still working with all the same tools.

it isn’t easy still, but God has sustained me and I expect Him to continue.

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Comments
  1. skb33green says:

    Exactly what I needed to hear today! Thanks for providing some much needed hope!

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