I have been the hated, I have been the loved. But I just want to be……….

Posted: October 19, 2015 in Raising Hearts

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I think adopting children with special needs puts you in a place that is kind of bipolar.  People frequently either judge you, or they almost worship you and think you are greater then you really are.

 I never wanted either of those.  I just wanted to be treated normal.  But raising my kids up to adults often brought both pictures to light in my life.

 I was looked at often as the mom who was over protective, over bearing, seeing too much into the situation, and downright helicopter mom. I was treated rudely often by professionals who didn’t understand my kids and thought I was the one with the problems. Not that I don’t have any, because I sure do, but it was so hard to get them to understand I was trying to help my kids.

 Then of course my kids didn’t like me alot of the time because it is common for a mom to be in that position. It made me feel like the world might collapse on me between the outsiders that judged me and my own kids anger. Here I was in the middle just honestly trying to do the right things for my kids and the crowds were pressing in on me. I could not stop to please any of them though.

 Then there were those that admired me way more then I deserved to be admired. The “Wow you did an awesome thing” people. No I didn’t do an awesome thing and people can’t you see I am human and I just followed God’s leading and I make a lot of mistakes in this?  So while that might feel flattering for a moment, it doesn’t hold up in the day to day world of raising up kids with special needs.

 What I needed more then anything were those people who would let me vent now and then, and know that I wasn’t a bad person if I was frustrated or angry. I needed people who stood by me when I made mistakes and loved me no matter what I did wrong. As I walked through this crazy forest of trees where there was no real path, trying to figure out what was best for my kids along the way, and not always feeling total security in my steps, i needed some of the people on the side lines to say “Hey you are doing your best and I love you for that.”  Not that I am a saint, nor that I am the evil one either. Just let me be me. Just walk with me and learn with me. Just listen to me and not judge me when I am down. Don’t tell me “God must not be in this for you to have this may problems.”  What does that have to do with this? God doesn’t make anyone’s life down here perfect and yes He was in this. He sent every child to my home and not one was a mistake.

  Yes I went through these things. They really happened to me. When I had a bad day once when my children were little, someone actually asked me “Well then why did you take all these children then?”  I learned to keep things to myself. I learned that I wasn’t allowed to feel overwhelmed or unable ever. 

  Then I began to understand what some of my children were dealing with and learning how to help them. I got  very over zealous in trying to educate the world about FASD and what my children were struggling with. That landed me in all sorts of troubles.  There were those that thought surely I was looking for issues under every bush in my child’s life. There were those that thought I was way over protective of my kids etc. And one counselor actually lit right into me one day and informed me that “I was my child’s problem”.  

 Well gosh, my child thought the same. I had to stand alone for many years until my child learned about herself and realized herself what she was dealing with; I had to wait until she “owned” her own issues. 

  Now that they are raised, I no longer run across much of the “you are a saint” stuff and I don’t get accused either.  Now I am in the shadows and watching my children fly. I am still under girding them when needed, but it doesn’t bring a lot of attention to me publicly, so I am just a regular person these days. It is kind of nice.

 I have realized what probably people in stardom deal with. It is probably a lot of the same and it is hard for them to have regular friends and not “Fans” or “haters”.  

  I don’t want to be in the limelight  that way. I now just want to settle into life and help others along the way that need that person who walks beside them and knows they are not a saint or a sinner. But just a struggling parent who needs someone to be strong and stay by their side without judgement.

 Thank you Lord for making me strong in this walk. It was worth it.  

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Comments
  1. momof4andacat says:

    Thank you for your blog! I’ve read a handful of your posts and they really resonate with me. We have 2 kids with FASD, 17 and 12. I shared the link with a friend also walking this journey. We can both relate to your experiences and appreciate your honesty and the encouragement of someone a little further down the road.

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