Mother burn out? They shall run and not be weary…….Walk and not faint……

Posted: September 27, 2011 in 2011, Mother burn out? They shall run and not be weary.......Walk and not faint......, Raising Hearts

I know you are all dealing. It seems a day doesn’t go by without some sort of crazyness. Jon was kicked out of a class today for good. They are just taking it out of his schedule. He is too disruptive to that class and it is an elective. He doesn’t need that credit to graduate. Sad, that I had to tell him that he got booted out because he disrupts the classroom and he tells me he did nothing wrong. He doesn’t notice what he does.
My bike is missing, we think he got it stolen in the night. He says he didn’t have anything to do with it. Well our garage is always locked. The one time it was open for a bit, someone climbed over the piles, past two other bikes and took it off the ceiling where it was hanging and then made out with it from our garage. All this and the dogs didn’t bark?  I don’t think so, but  I will have to wait until Heaven to know the truth.

 Last night Jon told me he wanted to get his tatoo touched up. He said it would not cost anything. Why wasn’t my brain clued in to what was really happening? Briana and Ryan spent their gas to come pick him up for a free tatoo? No. He came home with a new tatoo and now he owes Ryan 30 dollars. I had specifically told Bri that he could not get anything that he was going to owe for. She assured me that he wasn’t.  He did it quite deceptively. Got what he wanted after manipulating the situation to make me believe that he was not getting one. So now he doesn’t get any money for his allowance because since I told him not to do this, I won’t allow him to pay Ryan. Ryan knew that he wasn’t supposed to do this.

Sadly, he is using Jon for money. Jon will gladly be used too. That is how he is. He does not notice when people are taking advantage of him. I have seen it often. He will just give his money to people and trust everyone.

 Desi is having her fits. You can’t ever tell her that dirty little word “NO”. 

Last week Desi had a fit when she could not see her boyfriend after coming home from work sick. She went nuts and screamed THREE times at the top of her lungs. I was wondering which neighbor would call the police first, when they thought someone was being abused in our house. I stood there calmly watching her just bellow out these screams. You don’t say no to Desi. It is her way, or a tantrum.

Tonight she informed me that she requested not to work on Friday or Saturdays at her FAST FOOD JOB. Hmmmm I am thinking that she probably won’t be working much then as those are the nights when teenagers are needed. But you know “I don’t understand her” and I am “not fair” when I tell her that she can only work two school nights as it will stress her out for school.

So after she gets done with her crazy yelling at me etc. I am tired. It has been a long week, month, year, life, and I tell her go ahead and work all she wants on school nights, but you plan to move out when you turn 18 as I am done with your little tantrums when someone tells you no. 

It is just me. 31 years of raising kids. Nine of them*children*. These last two have FASD. I think I will move next summer and not give a forwarding address. 🙂
Just “sayin”…………………

Parent burn out in parents raising FASD kids is really high. I just read an article today about a family who adopted a child from Russia. He had FASD and he died after banging his head on a stove. He had a habit of head banging. Now the parents are charged with manslaughter, lost their daughter, their home, their jobs. They lost all because a child had brain damage from alcohol in utero. They lost it all because they wanted to do right trying to help a child. It made me sad.

 I know of other families who have been highly persecuted for fostering and adopting when these children are angry and turn on them. They call them abusers to get even.

  I know mom’s who have tried everything with their FASD kids and still don’t have the answers.

Whether you are a birth mom of a child with FASD or an adoptive mom, you are in a battle that isn’t going to go away. Brain damage doesn’t get better unless God makes a miracle. We never stop believing for those miracles, but every day we need to be prepared for the battle.

 Sometimes though, we get weary. Sometimes I think we just need some TLC ourselves, but there isn’t anyone to give it.

They say ” this too shall pass”, but with these kids, it seems ” this too shall stay”………………….

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 30:41

I am waiting God.  I am waiting on you.  I need to run and not be weary. To walk and not faint. To be able to deal daily and not get burn out. To have peace in the midst of all storms…………to just rest…………Thank you.

  1. Sarah Irvine says:

    you certainly have a way with writing and your words!!!!! It makes me feel like you are right in my brain!!!!

    thanks for sharing your thoughts so cadidlly

    Hugs sarah

  2. James T. Randall says:

    Caregiver burnout is one of my worst fears. I am the only person who is there for my daughter (FAS), and my elderly parents. I also have my own physical disabilities, so when I get the calls after midnight to go and help my Mother up off the floor I get a little nervous. Thankfully we live on the same floor in an apartment building, so it’s a little easier to respond to their needs.

    My daughter is FULL of the,”Don’t you even know who I am?” comments when she is tantruming. Well, at least she uses words when she hasn’t lost complete control and begun to attack me. Just the other day, as she was doing her best to beat me with her fists, I told her to stop now and said, “I will hit you back.” Her eyes opened wide and she said,”But that’s child abuse!” Well, what does she think her behaviour is? I sat her down and let her know that in less than a year she will be 12yrs old and that is when she can be charged with a crime here in Canada. She then said she wanted to be put into jail as she wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone in there. It just got worse from there. I often expect to have a police officer at my door investigating a report of child abuse, based on the screaming and stomping that goes on.

    I have strong amounts of hope and am waiting for our miracle, too. There is absolutely NO help available to us through any government agency. I spent a long time screaming for assistance and begging for the respite services that are supposedly offered, just to find out that they aren’t REALLY available. I have become reticent and settled my mind to be the one who must sacrafice myself now, and will most likely be dealing with these problems for the rest of my natural life.

    I am going by the theory that a shining star burning brightly is more likely to burn out sooner. So, I have relaxed a little and become more able to accept some of the behaviours more easily. The less I react, the more I can plan ahead and create contingency plans along the way. I will let her run off on her own the next time she tries, and will follow after her with a litlle less vigour. I must pace myself and allow things to go slightly wrong more often, so that I may have more energy to deal with things when I do catch up to her.

    I try to think about the worst case scenario, and prevent that, while allowing the lesser problems to simmer on their own a little. Maybe she will learn to cope with more of the small stuff on her own that way.

    Thank you for finding the time to blog on this!

    • I loved reading what you said. I too am learning to somehow not allow myself to be taken into “that place” when a crisis happens. It is hard, but the aftermath of every crisis can be really traumatic for my health. I have fibromyalgia and it sometimes sends me to bed for days. I am learning to BREATH deep and lay these things on God right way.

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